Learning how to forgive is not easy.
It takes a willingness to set aside rejection and pain.
A choice to ignore the past and forge ahead in a relationship with a person that has taken liberties towards your feelings.
A couple of months ago the phone rang. My husband’s stepfather was ill and his health was steadily declining.
The thought of him triggered a mountain of emotions for my husband.
His stepfather was a man that raised him since he was two but was also an individual that verbally abused him and took every oppotunity to put him down.
One poignant memory was when we first started dating and decided to make a visit.
We were sitting at the table when my husband annoyed his stepfather.
For the next twenty minutes he began a foul mouthed tirade using choice words such as stupid and fat to degrade his son. A horrible experience…..
As we drove away I promised to him he would never again have to endure the abuse. I told him I would not go back.
We kept this promise as there were no more trips to the house. Future visits were with relatives at holiday time. It finally ended up where we had not made a visit to see him in years.
After the phone call my husband wanted me to tell him to forgive his stepfather and go to his side. I looked him in the eyes and explained it was not my decision to make. It was his.
If he wanted to be by his side he needed to forgive him.
Last week the phone rang again. He learned that hospice would be stepping in. A decision needed to be made.
I felt him let go of his feelings. Go to his father’s side.
Working to make the rest of his father’s days as comfortable as possible.
We can never go back to make things right.
Instead we need to accept the people in our lives.
Acknowledge the good as well as the bad.
Love is not an easy thing.
But sometimes we need to set things straight.
A chance to set aside the pain.
And to work on mending the relationship
Between a father and son.