Not The Person I Think I Should Be

There are times I feel I have not lived up to my potential or that I have allowed myself to fail.

I’m still here trying to lose weight and stay active.  There are random thoughts of doing different things in my life or trying to be more successful in my career.

At times I feel frustrated by life and want to scream.

It’s part of being me.

My mother has drilled into me that I need to live my life and stop setting myself up for failure.  I do not need to make anyone like me.  I have to follow my own lead.

I understand her words. She has gotten a lot of insight on me over the past forty years.

A lot of times I think that I need to do more.

So I’ll push myself.

An example would be with my diet.  I want to be skinnier.

There are so many times I try to be restrictive in my eating habits.  I will try not to overeat and stay within my allowances.

I’ll steer away from fattening foods and probably not eat as much as I should during the day.

Then I’ll fail miserably because I’m starving or feel so deprived.  In one moment I’ll go crazy and eat a whole bunch of calories.

Or I’ll push myself to exercise a lot and there will be a point I just want to quit it all together.

My belief is I have to be that person willing to forge ahead at any costs.

But it’s hard to give yourself such expectations only to fail.  So it’s like I start back up again.

I have an inherent belief I will make it to my goals with a lot of hard work.  I have to take it easy and do the things which help me be successful.  Not to push myself so hard so that I get disillusioned or discouraged.

There’s no easy answer. We all try so hard to get better in life.

But there is one thing I know is true!

I need to be me and not the person I think I should be!