Last week at work I saw a daughter of one of my friends (She works there as well).
I always ask about her mom. I reminded her to tell my friend I love and miss her. To make sure she gives her a big hug from me.
She had complimented me on my weight loss and let me know she was keeping her mom informed on my progress.
I wished my friend was with me. To share in my success.
At moments like this I feel such closeness to her.
I decided I would write a tribute.
She helped change my life for the better.
It was not always the easiest relationship as she could be hard on you at times.
But these things made her a unique and special person.
She was passionate, opinionated and stubborn.
When you pushed aside those things you found a warm, compassionate and loving person.
As your friend she was your biggest advocate and cheerleader. She would sing the praises about you to the high heavens.
Also when needed she could give you a well deserved kick in the pants.
One of the biggest things I think bothered her about me was that I cried often.
Life was stressful I cried, someone said something I did not like I cried, if I was premenstrual I cried.
I remember after weight watchers one day I was upset about not losing weight. I sat down and bawled. I could see that look on her face and her head shaking back and forth.
“You need to toughen up! What are you crying about?”
Comments like those would kind of hurt my feelings. But I sat back and listened.
It was not that she did not feel. She had a lifetime of hard knocks and opportunities to roll with the punches. Instead of wasting energy on the little things she focused on the things which truly mattered in her life. The things that meant the most were her family which included her husband ,the love of her life as well as her two beautiful daughters and three beloved grandchildren. In addition she delighted in her collections, love of gambling and her cat Lucky that she weaned as a tiny kitten.
I always felt I was put on a special pedestal. She extolled the things I did so well. Loved I was a smart. An independent and intelligent woman.
I shared with her I wanted to be a writer and publish a book. I told her my innermost feelings. She was a surrogate mother.
When she retired it was one of the worst days for me. I tried to put on a happy face but it was not working. I’m sure you can guess what I was doing. I was crying of course!!
It was funny because I did not want her to see the tears in my ears. I kept avoiding her in the office. She kept asking me if I was ok. I definitely was not.
How do you tell a person about the love you feel for them? The difference the friendship has made in your life and how not having them with you every day makes you feel kind of lonely and sad.
After she left I crumbled into the corner stall of the bathroom and cried my heart out. I didn’t care. For this moment I was hurting. She was something worth crying about.
There are moments at work I think I hear her voice. My head pops up but she is not there. I want so much to share my successes with her. To see her beautiful smile and face.
I know she is a phone call away but it’s not the same.
I understand she enjoys retirement, has taken time to be with her family and has traveled to different and exciting locations.
But sometimes I would just like her back for my own selfish reasons.
You have touched my life. Made me a better person.
When I think about crying I hear your words in my head. Is this truly worth crying about?
And most times the answer is no. Every day I get a little tougher!!
I cherish your words and wisdom.
I hope you are proud of me.
This tribute is for you!!
I love you Rachael!!